Mommy Burn Out

I am suffering from a horrible case of mommy burn-out I know I can't be the only one out there, but with the divorce and a few more personal issues I am feeling so burnt out. I walked the girls up to the park day before yesterday, that helped a lot, but it was nowhere near enough to help this feeling. I KNOW I can't be the only one to experience this.. What works for you? We're going into better weather so yay to that. Now it's what to do with a 3yo and a 1yo in the spring..

Beautiful Imperfections

After breakfast Noelle took her ladies to play at the park. On any other day she would find joy in watching Lady Fi dart around with the other ballerina faeries and surfer boys, but today it made her sad, she watched the different kids speak to her and she wondered "is this the one that's going to break my baby's heart? Will that one be the reason that my little faerie looses her wings? She knew how ridiculous those thoughts were, I mean, how many faerie's loose their wings before their third birthday?

While Fi played Noelle decided to keep busy and pace the boardwalk that ran next to the playground, if there was trouble with Fi she could hop the fence in seconds. there were lots of things  to see along the boardwalk people from all walks of life enjoyed spending their time there. You had the merchants, most of which were as shady as the  cheap sunglasses they were selling, then you had the artists, who struggle through life, from one painting and adventure to the next. Then off to the side leaned up against that was a suit a business man from across town, but what was that at his feet? a tiara, not unlike the ones that Noelle and Scarlet would wear when they danced under the stars all those years ago, in a flash the suit was gone and Noelle darted over to pick up the crown,as soon as she picked it up she saw the flaws, it was crooked, probably cast aside by a child, who didn't have a use for a less than perfect tiara. Which made it all the more perfect for Noelle

Noelle heard Fi calling for her, and started to make her way back over to her, and on the way she made up her mind. She was going to try to focus on the energy radiating from Lady Fi, and this tiara and she was going to dance, so with the baby Lady Rey tied to her waist they danced, Noelle felt stiff and unnatural, but her desire for the happy feelings hurt so bad she was willing to do whatever it would take to get that back. First Noelle tried the tiara, but it didn't do anything except scratch her head, then she tried to put it on princess Fi, who truly did look like a princess in it, but seeing that didn't do anything for Noelle other than make her feel even more stiff. People were starting to gather, Noelle didn't see their faces, she had no way to know that they were smiling, she could only feel their eyes on her, the eyes of judgement. She decided to pack up the kids, and head home, for the morning anyway.

Scarlet's Letter

The entire time Noelle was getting Lady Fi her cereal she couldn't take her eyes off of the Ballerina Faerie Princess. She saw so much joy, and bliss in her daughter it made Noelle wonder when she lost the bliss that she used to carry in herself, What made a Faerie Princess lose her whim? Was it the fact the she got married and had two beautiful little sparkly faerie princess? How could her babies steal her sparkle? Noelle longed to glow with them, and was determined to figure out how.

"SheerEEaaL Mumma?" Fi asked so sweetly, but it was just enough to jolt Noelle back to the here and now

"Of course Lady, here you go" Noelle said, handing Fi the plastic bowl and watching her make her way into the living room to enjoy her lunch with her trusty toy teddy,  Leaving Noelle alone in the room, to reminisce more about her own childhood and wonder what it was that led her to this point, in this kitchen, longing for some shimmer to be brought back into her life, she heard the mail drop in the door, she decided to go look at it before Fi got to it first and decided to play mail lady with cupcake and the electric bill went missing again. That wasn't any fun..

Looking through it fast sales ads, more groups wanting money she didn't have, then something caught her eye, it was smaller, it was a plain envelope addressed to Noelle, there was no return address but she recognized the writing, and wondered why, and how she was looking at this after all this time, she put it on the fridge, almost afraid to open it.

It was 3 and a half years ago that Noelle last saw Scarlet, at that time they were practically inseparable, sisters by mind, and soul, related but not by blood, by something deeper. They had just barely finished their schooling, when they started going out most nights. Going to cool clubs, named for faraway places, or comic book towns, or simply described by a symbol. It was at a club named from a faraway place that she met him. It was too cliche to begin with, he was the sweaty rock star fondling his microphone and she was the star struck fan watching from afar. during one of the bands final songs their eyes met for the longest seconds of Scarlet's life then she knew. When his eyes tore away from hers, she turned to Noelle and whispered, I have to meet him, I'll be back and before Noelle could say anything she was off.

Noelle never did figure out exactly what happened that night, but by the time Scarlet made it to the car it was clear she was in no place to drive Thankfully Noelle already had the keys, Scarlet started to protest, but Noelle just chirped

"Nope, my turn you drove on the way up here" and that was that, Scarlet was too stoned off of something to care that Noelle drove up, or maybe she did forget, after all she snuck off to do who knows what, with the pretty dark skinned rock star.

After that Scarlet made a habit out of going out without Noelle. Telling her simply I'm going to see my star. It was at one of the Stars concerts that Noelle met a boy of her own. He was just your average handsome boy, but he saw Noelle, saw her as more than just the girl with Scarlet. and before she knew it they were an item as well. She began calling him her Rock, because he was the one that was there, her parents were never there, and now that Scarlet had her Star Noelle was thrilled to have someone in her life.

Noelle and Scarlet still saw each other but it was never quite the same, they both had their secrets, and some resentment for letting the Rock and the Star come in-between them. Then one day Scarlet came to Noelle and told her that her Star would be going on tour soon, and he needed his shimmering girl right by his side so she was going, and they were leaving that night, and with a hug and a kiss on the cheek she left, only pausing briefly at the door

"We'll be sisters for life and I'll be back before you know it, tell your Rock I said to take good care of you," and with that she was out the door, not even bothering to notice that it was a positive pregnancy test that Noelle was holding in her hand. She never heard from Scarlet again, until today.

*******Copyright Feb 2009 Mommy Mary********

Noelle and the Ballerina Faerie Lady

Noelle was beginning to miss the whimsical days, the days that she and Scarlet would dance beneath the stars, catching the silver glitter in their hair, and on their shoulders. Twirling, spinning, laughing, as carefree as two young women in love with life, because after all, that's what they were.

And just like that she awoke from her dream with a start. Noelle looked around, there was no one to be seen,other than her baby faerie princess sleeping ever so sweetly making those noises that only baby faerie princess could make. The man that she had married had taken off, off to who knows where, the bar, or maybe it he just decided to get lost in the desert for a while, or maybe he was at the casino, where he could find his own version of glitter and whimsy. One thing was certain he was rarely the one place he always claimed to be. Work, or at least, Noelle and the fairy princesses never saw much proof of it. Speaking of the fairy princesses the oldest one came dashing into her mommy's bedroom, stark naked as usual, shrieking about wanting something, milk, juice, cereal, cookies, the usual.

"Lady Fi, stop jumping around and tell Momma what you want"

"I want sssheeeeeeaaaareallll" Fiona sang in her two year old voice, Noelle loved both of her babies with a fierceness that ran deeper than the canyons that she and Scarlet used to have their picnics at all those years before. Despite that fierceness she still wished that the singing could wait until she had been up at least an hour.

"PleeEeEEEeeasE Mumma!"

Noelle looked at her "of course my ballerina faerie baby," and together they danced their way into another day.

***copyright Feb 2009 Mommy Mary***

Getting my frugal on.

So things are a'changin' around here, that is for sure. for one.. I am about to be a single mommy here real quick. Lets just say how glad I am to be picking up more hours at the bakery, idk what I'm going to do when our manager comes back from her honeymoon (71years old and getting married? Rock On!) Anyways that being the biggest change in my life, that puts me in a not so pleasant place financially so when I saw this I had to jump on board, granted I have to do way more than that now, however this is a great starting point, and it forces you to think ahead (what do I need to do so I don't spend any money Monday -Wednesday) That's the goal anyway.. Plus hey it give me something positive and blogworthy pluses all around.

Speaking of being frugal..

        .....Did Y'all go to Denny's yet for your free grandslam? They're giving them away until 2pm, due to milk allergies we won't be attending, but I'm thinking good thoughts for y'all that are braving the crowds for a free meal

TILT

Yep I still IM my friends, how else could I keep in contact with one in Indiana, several throughout Ohio and Michigan, and a few in Missouri, and Georgia.. Makes me long for college days I didn't and won't have.. However I did find out that our local Christian college has night classes  for a BA in Social Work. I think it'll fit in quite nicely to my plan.

Yes I know this is short.. but it is late and I am tired..  I'm looking to revamp the entire feel of my blog because it's making me feel entirely too old.. So we'll see where the road takes me.. Right now I've got to look inward at why on earth India is coming up so much in my everyday life.. If it wasn't Compassion there's a select few number of things that it could mean.. Please pray that God explains things to me clearly, because I'm every bit as confused as ever..

for more TILT

Put Me On Hold

Well my dreams anyway, looks like Compassion has 800 applications already, and they aren't accepting anyone with less than 30,000 visits per month. Well I know that's not me so it looks like I'm on hold, oh well, it would have been bad timing anyway on my part, but then again when would be the best time to leave your babies for a week to go help other children half way across the world.

Someday.. I'll make it someday, and who knows what that day/trip will bring.. I've heard it said a lot lately "God is writing my story" so I guess that just makes me an actress along for the ride.. Who knows where my adventure will take me next. Apparently it won't be India

I Did It

After much debate, and a pro/con list I decided that it might not be a fluke that Compassion is going -there- -now- or not now but then, just after my babies birthdays, I decided God works in mysterious ways, I'm not convinced I want to nurse Clara until she's 2 anyway.. and after talking to people that understand the weirdness of my decision they are all in agreement. Going on a Compassion trip would be a dream come true for me. So last night. I did it :) I filled out my application.. who knows if I'll get accepted.. but I'm praying about it.. and I can't stop thinking about it. I know if it's not meant to be then it won't happen. but I will apply again, and by next spring my life will be less complicated and maybe then my time will come. but please if y'all are reading this, stop and pray for the family, we could use it.

Thanks and God Bless

Compassion Spring Trip

Okay so I'm on hiatus due to complications in my life that I should not be blogging for the world to read. however there is a group of people that are worthy of getting blogged about Compassion International is gathering people for their next trip Which ladies (and gentlemen?) is to India. the date is April 26nd-May 2nd

Now this would be an amazing trip y'all and I'd sign myself up for it but I can't leave the baby for a week because by then the baby will barely will be a year old.

To sign yourself up, or to poke around for more information click here